SCENE: The interior of the Bronco offices – a dark room with a conspiratorial atmosphere. DAVE and CARPS are seated at a desk next to a monitor, watching old adverts from the 80s on one tab, Google open on another, drawing on a whiteboard. RORY is standing at the end of the table in a Yahoo! t-shirt. ANTHONY, CARLA, SLATER and WHITEHOUSE are sat on the floor, looking on.
| CARPS | …so we break into the SERPs by using Google News. We create a news site running on a Wordpress template… pretend we have a load of writers… get through vetting. Having grabbed a top spot for ‘kitchen sink’ we blog about how ace we are and issue our demands to Google |
| WHITEHOUSE | What exactly are our demands, Dave? |
| DAVE | We’re giving Google two days to dismantle their entire search infrastructure. And if they don’t…. we SPAM THEM TO DEATH |
| WHITEHOUSE | Spam what? |
| DAVE | Spam all of it. News… blog search… maps… real time… on the hour, every hour. And we’ll photoshop Eric Schmidt wearing a Bing t-shirt. And we shall not submit to Webmaster Guidelines |
| RORY (excited) | No guidelines! |
| DAVE | They’ve bled us white the bastards. They’ve taken everything we had – and not just from us. From Altavista, Lycos, Looksmart and Dogpile |
| WHITEHOUSE | …and Yell.com and Infoseek and All The Web… |
| DAVE | OK OK – don’t labour the point, Whitehouse. And what have they ever given us in return? |
| ANTHONY | Google Maps? |
| DAVE | Oh yeah, yeah they gave us that. Yeah. That’s true. |
| RORY | And Google Earth |
| CARPS | Oh – that’s awesome! How much time have you spent looking for your Antie Jean’s house so you can see how big her garden really is? |
| DAVE | All right, I’ll grant you that Google Maps and Earth are two things that Google have done… |
| CARLA | Analytics..? |
| DAVE | Well yes obviously Analytics… Analytics goes without saying. But apart from maps, Google Earth and Analytics… |
| CARPS | Gmail.. |
| WHITEHOUSE | Google Docs… Google Calendars… book search |
| DAVE | Yes… all right, fair enough… |
| CARLA | And Google News |
| CARPS | Oh yeah – that’s true |
| ANTHONY | Yeah. That’s something we’d really miss if Google left, Dave. |
| WHITEHOUSE | Google Shopping |
| RORY | And the SERPs are normally pretty spam-free these days |
| CARPS | Yes, they certainly know how to keep order… (general nodding)… let’s face it, they’re the only ones who could on the internet as it is.(more general murmurs of agreement) |
| ANTHONY | And Google listings for local businesses… |
| DAVE | All right… all right… but apart from better SERPs and free email and free accurate web Analytics and Google Earth and maps and searchable, up to date news and a free online alternative to Microsoft Office and affordable advertising for local businesses and a really cool mapping system… what have Google done for us? |
| SLATER | Orkut? |
| ALL | …. |
Added By Dave Naylor :
Just like the Romans did in the “Life of Brian” LOL! ( we stole the idea from there ) they brought order and a new way of life, Google has done the same and for that we salute you and 99% of the Googlers that work for you,… 
the realtime guy I not so sure about you at the moment.
12 Comments
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- 2
Monty Python modern a la Google… I love it!
- 3
Mmmm, seems to be one very important member of the team missing there *flounces off*
- 4
What do you mean? :p
- 5
Paul, your supposed to respond with ‘yeah Becky didn’t say anything’…. I CARN’T WORK UNDER THESE CONDITIONS
- 6
Good post, it certainly cracked me up.
- 7
Hahaha quick work there Carps
- 8
LOL, cheers Dom.
Great post as it does highlight that even though everyone bitches about what Google has done or introduced that they have certainly brought a lot of good to the industry over the years … plus lets remember they are the ones that put food on the table. - 9
How about we remember Google Chrome & Upcoming Chrome OS
? Of all that Google offers I think GMail & Google Maps are two mostly used services!Orkut – big joke… Google still still has no clue what Social Networking really is.. consider Jaiku or any social service they acquired – they are simply clueless and scew whats already is in.
Nice post though… had my part of fun reading through the chat transcripts
- 10
I hear that Vinay. What about chrome? Android? and my favourite Sketch up? Sketch up is a ridiculously powerful, useful and versatile piece of software, and google lets you have it for free!!
- 11
this had me in stitches…thanks for all the great instructional content Broncos (SCU Broncos are my old team).
and google alerts…and a few good April Fools jokes over the years.
Happy holidays
N8
- 12
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I was going to post a ‘dead parrot sketch’ parody with bing and yahoo, but can’t be arsed… you can just assume it was funny and laugh anyway